A pattern of abusive behavior used to gain or keep power and control over another person in a relationship.  In the United States, domestic violence affects an estimated 10 million people each year.  Research has shown, up to 1 in 4 women and 1 in 9 men have experienced this type of abuse.  This number may be higher, as most individuals do not report abuse.

Signs of domestic violence:

• Verbal abuse (says things to intentionally scare you, degrade you, or otherwise damage your self-worth)
  • Regularly yelling and screaming at you
  • Humiliating you in front of other people
  • Calling you names, swearing at you, or using other foul language
  • Putting down your physical appearance, job, interests, or anything else about you
  • Threatening to harm you, your loved ones, or your pets
  • Threatening to take your children away or keep you from spending time with them

• Physical abuse (involves any unwanted physical contact or touch intended to hurt or intimidate you)
  • Slapping
  • Kicking
  • Holding you down
  • Shoving or pushing you
  • Pulling your hair
  • Choking you
  • Throwing objects at you
  • Grabbing your face to force you to look at them
  • Blocking a doorway to prevent you from leaving

• Emotional abuse (Any behavior meant to control or manipulate you, or undermine your sense of individuality and independence)
  • Guilt-tripping you
  • Gaslighting you to deny your experiences or past events
  • Giving you the silent treatment to punish you
  • Controlling who you spend time with
  • Isolating you from loved ones
  • Making threats to get you to act a certain way
  • Starting rumors about you
  • Trivializing your feelings, boundaries, or accomplishments
  • Blaming you for all problems in the relationship
  • Spying on your devices

• Sexual abuse (Pressuring or outright forcing you to engage in any unwanted sexual acts, or doing anything to control your sexual experience)
  • Unwanted touching or kissing
  • Refusing to use a condom or other barrier methods
  • Restricting your access to birth control
  • Unwanted rough sexual activity
  • Sexual coercion, or pressuring you into performing sexual acts
  • Forcing you to take sexual photos or sharing explicit photos of you without consent
  • Pressuring you to send them nude or sexual photos
  • Forcing you to watch sexually explicit material
  • Performing sexual acts with you when you’re unable to say no — for instance, because you’re asleep or intoxicated

• Financial abuse (Controls your access to money or prevents you from earning an income)
  • Telling you to quit your job or calling your boss and quitting on your behalf
  • Hiding your car or office keys so you can’t go to work
  • Showing up at your work repeatedly and causing problems so you lose your job
  • Preventing you from accessing your bank account
  • Taking your money, debit and credit cards, or your wallet
  • Insisting on taking control of your finances and giving you a set “allowance” each week or month
  • Using a joint account or your account to make purchases without your consent
  • Selling your assets or property without your consent
  • Opening credit cards in your name or insisting you open credit cards for them to use
  • Refusing to pay child support
  • Telling you to get a second job so they can quit their job
  • Making you show them your receipts for every purchase you make
  • Telling you what you can and can’t purchase with money you earn
  • Making financial decisions that affect you without getting your consent

• Other factors that may contribute to or escalate aggressive behavior
  • Drinking alcohol or using other substances
  • Social isolation
  • Jealousy and possessiveness
  • Low self-esteem
  • Emotional dependence on others
  • General hostility, especially toward the opposite gender

You can visit the National Domestic Violence Hotline online or call 800-799-7233 for free, confidential support at any time.